|Wanna read a long manga about depression and self-acceptance?|
You're not alone.
How cliché. Another person ranting about their miserable life, online. I know.
But that is what this journal is going to be. It’s not pleasant, I quite agree if you ask me. However, if you’re not interested or something, you’re free to go. No hard feelings.
I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I just need to get it off my head. It’s staining my brain, it’s driving me crazy. And I hate this feeling more than anything.
It’s been a couple of weeks since this all started. And it made me think.
I don’t consider myself to be some kind of ‘talented’ person, or some ‘wonderful artist’. Nothing like this, actually. I don’t get constructive criticism on my art, I don’t have people or friends who want to see more of my stuff, so I can’t help but feel that way. I’ve noticed that most of my watchers aren’t active anymore, and I blame myself for this. Trying to figure out in what way I fucked up.
Do I act like a snob? Am I ungrateful? I don’t know.
I’m just another human being, that doesn’t know what the hell they’re doing with their life. I literally have no clue where I’m going. I don’t have a dream, a goal. I never really accomplished anything, ever, so it’s more than safe to say, I’m average. Maybe even below average.
Also, in all honesty, I’m not fishing for compliments here. So if you were thinking that this is the case, it’s not.
Another thing I feel the need to point out, is that MrtViolet is a character. A persona if you prefer. My artist personality. Behind that, there’s an extremely insecure person that hesitates to do everything, and lately feels like she’s about to collapse.
Every single move I make, as Myrto (yeah, that’s my name), is being criticized in the worst, most rude way, 24/7. And the only time I feel confident or strong, is when I have the MrtViolet ‘mask’ on. But guess what. Even that’s not working anymore. I find myself unable to even draw a stick figure, and that sucks big time.
I don’t know what more to say.
No lovely punchline here.